Quotes from Buffy The Vampire Slayer --- Buffy: All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry
Christian Slater and die! Buffy: Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer,
and I won't tell anyone you're a moron. Buffy: Mom, dead people are talking to you. Do the math! Buffy: Oh, no... I have to go take an English make-up exam. They give you
credit just for speaking it, right? Buffy: Cool! Crossbow! Check out these babies. Goodbye stakes, hello flying
fatality. Buffy: I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill
every person on the face of the Earth to do it. Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy,
but... you know what I mean. Buffy: I don't play well with others. Buffy: I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions
there were. Buffy: We saved the world. I say we have to party. Buffy: I didn't say that I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have
all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it. Buffy: I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc and it's just another
Tuesday night in Sunnydale. Buffy: Are you crazy? You just don't sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make
noise when you walk, you stomp, or... yodel. Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it, this is never good. Buffy: God! I am so mentally challenged! Buffy: Love makes you do the wacky. Buffy: People to see, demons to kill. Buffy: You know, I just woke up and I looked in the mirror and thought, "Hey, what's
with all the sin." I need to change. I'm dirty, I'm bad with the sex, and the envy,
and the loud music us kids listen to nowadays. Oh, I just suck at undercover. Buffy: You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say
undead American? Buffy: When Giles sends me on a mission, he says "please." And afterwards I get
a cookie. Buffy: When the apocalypse comes... beep me. Buffy: You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody
messes with my boyfriend! Buffy: I didn't say you were stupid! So…stop being an idiot and let me fix this! Buffy: You're like my fairy godmother, and Santa Claus, and Q all wrapped up
into one. (they look at her) Q from Bond, not Star Trek. Buffy: I lost a friend tonight and I may lose more! The whole world may be sucked
into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho?! Let me take this
opportunity to NOT care! Buffy: Do---do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely
it is, how dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys
or... God, even studying! But I have to save the world. Again. Buffy: No. No, those weren't vampires. Those were just... guys in thunder need of
a facial. Or maybe they had rabies? It could've been rabies. And that guy turning to
dust? Just a trick of light. Buffy: But who am I kidding? Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have
time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics.
Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of. Buffy: Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and
throw them away? It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint. Buffy: You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy is like a day without
sunshine. Buffy: Could you contemplate getting over yourself for a second? There's no 'us'.
Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you,
but I didn't. I moved on. To the living. Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig
up the corpses and the women have the babies. Buffy: Oh. That's okay, um... I-I figured there were all sorts of things vampires
couldn't do. You know, like work for the Telephone Company, or volunteer for the
Red Cross, or... have little vampires. Buffy: Giles, care? I'm putting my life on the line, battling the undead.
Look, I broke a nail, ok? I'm wearing a press-on. The least you could do is exhibit
some casual interest; you can go hmm. Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him,
he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face
is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures. Willow: I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit! Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not in the sense of having the slightest idea,
but I knew there was something I didn't know. Willow: I just talked to Buffy, and yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane.
No, not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, 'kay? Willow: No, no, no. See, Xander's... I like his head. It's where you find his eyes
and his hair and his adorable smile. Willow: It is kind of novel how he'll stay young and handsome forever, although
you'll still get wrinkly and die... and oh, what about the children? I'll be quiet now. Willow: I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right? Willow: You're the Slayer and we're, like, the Slayerettes. Willow: Just sitting here watching our barren lives pass us by.
Oh, look, a cockroach. *stomp* Willow: We can't run, that would be wrong. Could we hide? Willow: Uh, Angel, if I say something you really don't want to hear, do you promise
not to bite me? Willow: Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool,
or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away. Willow: Wow! He hardly talks to anyone. He's solitary, mysterious... He can brood
for forty minutes straight, I've clocked him. Willow: You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being
the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, 'Hey, kids, where's
the cool parties this weekend?' We've been through this. Willow: So Angel is a good vampire! I mean, on a scale of one to ten, ten being someone
who's killing and maiming every night, and one being someone who's not. Willow: You think I wanna go to the dance with you and watch you wish you were at
the dance with her? You think that's my idea of highjinx? You should know better. Willow: No, no, no, no. No speaking up. That way leads to madness and sweaty palms.